


Carry On

by StillWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Biphobia, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Boys In Love, Broken Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Date, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time Having Sex, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Repressed Bisexual Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:07:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28389000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillWinchester/pseuds/StillWinchester
Summary: Dean thinks he's broken, but Cas knows he isn't. He never was.Story about a love and finding own sexuality.After 15x19, AU to the finale.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Carry On

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most important thing I've ever wrote. I appreciate every comment. Love you!

**Carry on**

“Jack, I... I need to ask...”

“I know,” said Jack quickly. “He'll be there. He'll wait for you on the bunker.”

Dean smiled. They saved a world again. Everybody was back. Everybody! _Even_ Cas. _Especially_ Cas! They did it! Together! And Jack, they were a new God, their kid!

“I'm proud of you, Jack. We all are,” said Dean. And that was the truth.

*

Three weeks passed since Dean reunited with Cas. Since he said it back. And since they finally kissed for the first time. But Dean still couldn't figure it out. He was straight, right? But he just fell in love with some dude. Except that wasn't some dude. It was Cas. A freaking celestial being.

Castiel didn't have a gender, but he had a vessel. A male vessel. And Dean had a problem with that because he had never slept with a man. He wasn't sure if he could.

Dean was raised as _'real man'_ , whatever it meant. When he was young, he was listening to lots of stories about _'chicks'_. His father and the others hunters were drinking beers and talking about hunting or having sex all the time. Dean didn't know if John Winchester could accept bisexual son. And even when his dad had gone he still didn't want to disappoint him. He was scared all the time. And the shadow of his father was chasing him in the nightmares.

And of course, when Dean grew up, he met a lot of gay’s hunters, but he couldn't forget about all these stories. He didn't know what to do. He felt lost.

In the past, Dean had crushes on a few men. Sometimes it was only fantasies like Dr Sexy with his boots... Sometimes it was serious like Benny. But he had never made a first step.

And Cas... They fell in love with each other, and that was beautiful. They avoided the truth for so many years, but then Cas just said it. And Dean was sure he felt the same.

Cas was an angel, and he didn't need all of this human's stuff technically. But he wanted. He has never spoken about that loud, but Dean could see this in his eyes. Blue eyes like a sky was hungry for affection and touch.

Dean was giving to him a little kisses all the time on his lips, cheeks, forehead, neck... They hugged a lot. On the couch during a movie, on the kitchen when Dean was drinking a coffee and on his bed. In the last situation Cas was always clothed, he was grabbing Dean tightly and just let him fall asleep...

Dean tried his best. He was giving to Cas everything he could. And Cas... He took it all, and he has never asked for more. He knew he couldn't put pressure on Dean. He knew that maybe he didn't get more ever, but it was okay as long as Dean was with him.

Dean wanted to be with Cas with all of himself, but he was hearing some creepy voice in his head, and he wasn't able to do this. He thought once that they could try... They were in his room and he was kissing Cas. Over and over again. His lips were so soft, so nice, so delicious... And then his face, his neck, his chest...

Cas was kissing him too, and he really thought he can do this, but then... He just stopped. He said 'sorry', and he started crying. Cas put his arm around him, and was whispering that it's okay. They were okay...

They didn't try again.

*

Dean was in his room and he was reading some article about weird events in Ohio on his computer. He scratched a neck and yawned. He was so tired. They had had a really tough case earlier that day.

Cas stood in the door frame, and he cleared his throat to get attention: “Hello, Dean.”

Dean closed his laptop and looked at Cas. Angel didn't look well. He was upset and uncertain.

“Hi, buddy,” said Dean. “What's up?”

“Can I stay with you tonight?” asked Cas.

He did it often recently. For the beginning he came to Dean at night twice times a week and now... He wanted to be with him every night. Dean was thinking if he should ask Cas to move in, but he wasn't ready yet.

Instead, he nodded his head that he agree. Cas smiled a little, and then he made everything like usually. First, he closed a door. Later, he took his shoes off, and then also a trench coat and a tie. He put it on the chair.

“Are you okay, Cas?” asked Dean calmly, watching as an angel sat on the bed.

“Yes, Dean. I just missed you.”

Dean touched Cas' cheek and kissed him softly on a bottom lip. The angel put one hand on his naked arm and the other on his chest. Dean was sleeping only in joggers, so Cas could feel with fingers his naked muscular body.

Castiel opened mouth a little to let Dean's tongue in. The hunter knew what to do. Cas never complained about anything he got, but Dean recognized when he was really satisfied. In these situations he gave him involuntary signs like a quiet groan or a little gasp.

They were kissing a few minutes until Dean stopped. He kissed Cas one more time and caressed his cheek.

“Ok, I need some sleep,” said Dean, looking in that blue eyes. He felt so selfish because Cas needed something more and he couldn't give it to him… But then he got some idea. “You can also take off a shirt this time if you want. I think it can be more comfortable for you.”

Cas was surprised that Dean made a next step to him. He smiled adorable but didn't take a shirt off at once.

“And you? You will be comfortable with this?” he asked. He appreciated Dean's concern, but he didn't want to do something against him.

“Yes, I will.”

Cas undid a first button. Dean swallowed anxiously watching this and then, he suggested: “Maybe... Can I help you?”

Cas let him. Dean did it slowly, and when he put a shirt on the chair, he touched Cas' chest with his fingers. He wanted to learn everything about this body. He rested head on his chest, closed eyes and breathed his smell. Why did Cas smell so good?

He felt how Cas was touching his hair, that was nice… They were lying on a bed, and Cas took him in his arms. Dean felt so calmly… He didn't know when he fell asleep.

*

Cas didn't sleep at all, and that's why he liked nights because he could be looking at Dean without any guilty. And he did it every time.

At the beginning, it was surprising for Cas, he couldn’t imagine that Dean was capable to sleep next to him when he was watching over him. It meant a lot, Dean trusted him.

He knew how Dean saw himself, and he understood why it happened. Answer was simple: life. Dean didn't believe that he deserved to be happy, but a problem was more complicated because he also thought that bisexuality was wrong. He couldn't accept this, even when he tried.

It all started a long time ago when John Winchester had a barroom brawl with the other hunter. Dean was twelve years old then and for the first time he heard word „ _fag_ ” from father's mouth. _You fuckin' fag!_ He didn't want to be fag ever if it meant that dad would reject him… But it was only beginning. Much worse came later.

*

“Morning, sunshine,” murmured Dean and yawned. Cas stayed with him all night. He was wondering if it wasn’t tiring for the angel.

“Hello, Dean,” greeted him Cas with a smile. He wanted to kiss Dean, but he covered his mouth.

“I need to brush my teeth first,” he said in the muffle voice.

Cas gasped and rolled his eyes: “Okay, I’ll make you coffee.”

Cas got up and put on his shirt, tie and trench coat. Meanwhile, Dean was looking some flannel in his drawer. They separated, Cas went to the kitchen and Dean to the bathroom take quick shower.

Cas pulled out a cup of the kitchen cabinet. He could be an amazing barista because he learned making delicious coffee. At the beginning it was disaster, and he almost broke coffee machine, but now he was perfect at this.

Dean entered to the kitchen when Cas was pressing a button on a coffee maker. He got behind him, laid left hand on Cas' hip and right put around his waist. He kissed him in the neck, and then put his chin in his arm.

“Hi, my _angel_ …” he whispered fondly.

“You're more affectionate than usually. Something bother you?” asked Cas, looking on dripping coffee.

“No, why? I just wanna spend some time with my…” said Dean, but he didn't finish the sentence. What did he actually want to say? _Boyfriend_? He was almost forty-two, he felt too old for this. So maybe _partner_? It didn't fit here even more. He could say 'with you', but he said 'my'.

“Your what?” asked Cas silently. “ _Best friend?_ ”

Cas sounded offended, and his voice hurt Dean, who gulped and kissed him again in the neck a few times. The angel didn't respond to his actions, he was just staying there still. Dean was rubbing Cas' skin with his lips for a moment before he started talking again.

“No,” he said. “Not best friend… I mean, of course, you're my best friend, man, but I wanted to say… I… _boyfriend_. I just wanna spend some time with my boyfriend, Cas.”

“First, you need to drink your coffee…” said Cas cheerfully this time, his mood improved. He pointed at the cup.

“Am I hearing some smile at your face?” asked Dean and chuckled. He gave Cas wet kiss on the cheek.

“Dean, you can't hear the smile, but yes, I'm smiling right now.”

Dean spun Cas around: “First… I'm gonna kiss you. And then I'll drink a coffee.”

“And later?” asked Cas.

“And later I'll spend some time with my boyfriend,” he whispered.

Dean pushed Cas against the fridge, grabbed his wrist in the height and kissed him passionately.

“Uh, gross…” They heard Sam's voice and later a laugh. Sam came to the kitchen. “Book a room or something!”

Dean stopped kissing Cas, but he still held him, and he turned to Sam: “You're jealous! That's all!”

“Yeah, probably,” laughed Sam again, he was happy seeing that this couple of dumbasses finally was together. It took them so many years! “I hope you left me some coffee!”

“You can take mine cause I'm a little busy right now, and I'm afraid it'll be cold at this time.”

“Yeah, I see.” Sam took Dean's cup from the worktop.

“Sorry, Sam,” said Cas apologetic. “We didn't want to embarrass you.”

“No, Cas, it's okay. I was just joking. Do whatever you want. I'm not bother you anymore. See you later!” said Sam quickly, and left a kitchen with a little smile on his face.

Dean looked at Cas again and murmured: “So, could you remind me what we were doing?”

They kissed again.

*

“I think I could take Cas for a… date?” said Dean to Sam when they were sitting alone at the table. “I know it sounds stupid, but…”

“No, Dean. It doesn't sound stupid,” interrupted him Sam. “I mean, for the first time we can live like we want. Without Chuck and his stories. We can try to be happy. We deserve to this. You and Cas. Me and Eileen. I think… it's important. It's real.”

Dean laughed bitterly. They defeated Chuck, and he thought he can be happy, but now he doubted. Everything was messy. He was glad that he had Sam and Cas, but he felt it's not enough. Something was wrong. Something with him.

“You know hunters never have happy endings…” he said.

“Yeah, so why don't we change it?”

Sammy was right, like always. Maybe he was his little brother, but also the smarter one. And if Sam could try, why he wouldn't either?

“You're right. I take him for _damn_ date, and you know what? We're gonna have fun.” Dean grinned broadly.

“Good for you!” Sam laughed.

“And what about Eileen?” he asked seriously this time.

“I was talking with her. Actually, we are talking all the time. She'll come to the bunker next week and I think… She is going to stay,” answered Sam with a smile.

“I'm happy for you, little brother…” said Dean.

“Yeah, and I'm happy for you.”

*

They went into the bar. Dean ordered two beers and next two more. They were talking and joking all the time, sitting next to each other. He didn’t kiss Cas even once, and angel understood that. Dean felt uncomfortable kissing another man on public. Cas must accept this.

“Dean, I think we should to talk about what you need,” said Cas suddenly after Dean finished one of his stories.

“What I need?” Dean frowned his eyebrows and took a sip of beer.

“Yes. I was thinking a lot about this. About you.”

“I hope it was some dirty wet dreams…” he joked, but Cas didn’t laugh. Something changed in his face and Dean couldn’t guess what exactly.

“Dean, I'm serious… You're a human and I know that humans have their needs,” he said.

“Yep, I get it. Like eating or sleeping…”

“And like… having sex…”

Dean wasn't ready for this conversation. He still felt guilty about that night when he couldn't do this. He really appreciated that Cas didn't talk about this. And now they were here.

“I understand this, and you need to know that I wouldn't mind if you slept with some woman,” explained Cas.

Dean didn't expect that. He blinked twice and shook his head. He wasn’t sure if he understood it correctly.

“What? Cas, what are you talking about?” he asked surprised.

“People call this 'open relationship'.” Cas made a sign of the quote mark in the air.

“Yeah, I know what's that mean, but why you think I need this?” Dean frowned his eyebrows.

“Because you're human and this is your nature…” he said. “There is a blonde girl, who is staring at you all the time.” Cas pointed out a table next to them.

Dean turned around and saw a pretty girl. She was smiling to him and even winked. He probably would not have missed her sometime, but since he was with Cas, he didn’t look around other people. Tonight he was focused only on him, so he didn’t notice that woman.

She came to them and said: “Hello, handsome! I can't take my eyes off you.”

“Sorry, lady, but I'm with him tonight.” Dean grabbed Cas' arm and smiled to the woman. She was disappointed, but she just shrugged her shoulders and went back to her table.

“Oh, Dean, you could go with her…” said Cas at sight.

“And you're not gonna be jealous?” asked Dean.

“No, of course not. Like I said. It was my idea. And sex with that woman is only physical. You and I share a more profound bond,” explained Cas, he didn't look on Dean at that time. He was a horrible liar, but he pretended it was ok, but it wasn't.

Dean came closer, he was nearly touching Cas' ear with his lips.

“So you wouldn't be even a little jealous, if I touched _her_ body? If I kissed _her_ lips? If I was _in_ her…” he whispered.

“Dean, stop it.” Cas closed his fist, he wore a pained expression on his face. “Please…”

Now Dean was sure Castiel was lying. He felt bad for pushing him like that, but it was the only way to get a truth from him.

“Cas…” he was still talking to him. “I don't wanna hurt you. And this is a reason why I didn't go with that woman and why I'm not going to go with any other. I belong to you, Cas. Only you. And you… you belong to me. Do you understand?”

Cas looked at him hesitantly: “But… Dean, you're a human, you need…”

“The one thing I need is time. Okay? Only time… Besides, she's not my type.”

“And what's your type?” asked Cas serious.

“Dirty trench coat and puppy blue eyes…” he chuckled and then rest his forehead on Cas'.

“So, what if I have the other vessel?”

“It was a joke, dumbass,” gasped Dean.

“I prefer when you call me 'sunshine'.”

Dean laughed again and looked at Cas. He was so in love with him… He has never expected he could feel something strong and pure.

“Okay, _sunshine_ … What do you wanna do next?” asked Dean.

“Maybe we could go for a walk?”

“Yeah, why not? Just finish your beer,” he said.

“Dean…”

“Yes?”

“Will you kiss me now?”

Dean gulped and looked at Cas’ eyes. The bar was full of strangers, he wasn’t sure if it’s good idea. He wasn’t afraid of some fight because he knew he could handle with this, but he was afraid what people would say.

“I… I… Okay.”

Dean laid his hand on Cas’ face and kissed him softly. Cas was smiling. This was everything to him.

*

They were lying on Impala's hood, holding hands and staring into the stars. They were really close, Dean leaned his cheek against Cas' arm. They just spent time together, and this was a precious moment.

“What do you think when you’re staring at stars?” asked Dean.

“About Heaven.”

“Do you miss home sometimes?” asked Dean again.

“No. Not anymore. You’re my home now, Dean,” answered Cas, and he really meant that. Dean smiled because Cas also was his home.

*

Dean started taking clothes off from Cas in the hallway. On the same time they were kissing a lot. They came to his room, closed a door and sat on bed. Their shirts landed on the floor, the same happened with their trousers.

Cas put hands on Dean's hips, and he started to fondle his skin above boxers shorts. He was kissing him in the neck and later in the jaw's line. Then he bit him on the ear. Dean moaned with a pleasure and scratched Cas' back.

“Dean, can I?” asked Cas and slide his hand down a little.

Dean nodded: “Okay, Cas, but I need to turn off lights.” His heart was pounding really fast. He was scared, and he heard again a voice on his head. It told him ' _disappointment'_.

Cas turned off a lamp with one hand. In the room was really dark now. Dean barely saw Cas, but he felt his presence.

“Tell me if anything be uncomfortable to you,” whispered Cas.

“Okay…”.

Dean took off his pants with shaking hands. Cas, as a celestial being, could see in the dark very well, so he saw him totally naked for the first time. Dean blushed and gulped. He was breathing faster, Cas kissed him in the mouth with a tongue.

“Dean, it would be okay if I touched it?”

Dean nodded. He couldn't say anything, he was paralyzed with fear. He wanted this, but he was afraid.

Cas took Dean's penis on the hand and started rubbing it. Slowly for the beginning and faster later.

Dean felt how his cock make harder. Castiel bent down to lick and suck it. He caught the head of the penis with his mouth, and he took him deeper by the moment.

Dean closed eyes, tilted his head back and moaned. He wrapped one hand in Cas' hair and used the other to press his arm. Dean felt blissful warmth above his crotch. He couldn't resist to not moan again.

“Cas…” he groaned. It was too much to handle.

He hit a back of Cas' throat and for the second thought he did it too hard, but Cas didn't protest, just still sucked his cock. Maybe it's because he was an angel? It wasn't uncomfortable to him?

Dean felt an ecstasy and guilt on the same time. Voice in his head repeated over and over again: _fag,_ _disappointment,_ _weak, loser_ …

He tried to focus on Cas. Love of his life. Cas was real, not the voices. And now Cas was doing it for him… Why was it so delightful? It shouldn't be that pleasant. Maybe it would be easier then?

Dean was thinking how is it possible that Cas could make _these_ things so well. He didn't have a big experience on sex…

“Cas… I'm coming,” he whispered in gravelly voice and squeezed Cas' shoulder. But the angel didn't move around; on the contrary, he was sucking Dean's cock harder. “Cas…”

Dean felt how Cas rubbed his thigh as a sign that he could do this. He knew it was a time for him. He came into Cas' mouth.

After that Dean took his hands off from Cas, who moved back and swallowed his sperm. Then the angel laid next to him. Dean was breathing heavy, he felt anxious, and he didn't know what should to say.

Lots of women have given him blowjobs before, but the fact that for the first time he got this from the man, even it was only a vessel, was humiliating for him. It was absurd because it wasn't worse… Actually, it was better because it was Cas. Love of his life. So, why did he felt so devastated?

Dean hated himself now. How could he let for this? How could he lose with own weakness? Only for a moment of pleasure! How could he even enjoy with it? He thought it was bad. Now he felt truly naked, he lost his protective shield… He started gulping and crying quietly.

“Dean?” Cas put hand on his arm. Dean was shaking with cold and fear.

“Cas…” he sobbed. “Tell me that you love me… Please.”

“Dean… I love you,” whispered angel and grabbed him tight. “I love you so much.”

Dean believed.

*

“Cas…” whispered Dean. “I love you too. You know that, right?”

They were spooning in bed for a half an hour. Or maybe longer. Cas was embracing Dean protectively with his all love.

“Yes, Dean. Of course, I know that,” he whispered and kissed a back of Dean's head.

“And the fact that I can't repay… It doesn't mean I love you less. You know that too, right?” he spoke with falteringly.

“Dean…” said Cas calmly and hugged him harder. “You don't need to repay. It's not about that. I just wanted to do this. You're not own me anything.”

“But…”

“Shh… It's okay, Dean. It's okay. I'm here. I'm watching over you.”

Cas was rubbing his arm and kissing his back softly. Dean was feeling so bad with this situation. He wasn't sure if Cas tried only calm him down, or he was telling a truth. Dean couldn't bare thoughts that he gave him not enough. He loved Cas so much, and he really wanted to give him everything.

“I'm so sorry, Cas… I'm sorry that I'm broken…” whispered Dean.

“You're not broken, Dean. You've never been. And you don't need to be sorry. It's not your fault. Nothing of this is your fault.”

They were lying in silence. Dean felt safety in Cas’ arms, for the first time he wasn’t the one who looked after somebody. It was a nice change.

Cas had warm body and Dean liked being a little spoon. He didn’t have a lot of opportunities earlier in his life to experience this. He was always the protective one.

“Cas?” he asked suddenly.

“Yes, Dean?”

“I would like you to move in to my room… If you want.”

He thought about it a few times, Cas spent the most of his time here, so he wanted to make it official. Cas deserved this.

“I want to,” said the angel.

“Okay, tomorrow. I'll clean out a drawer for you.” Dean closed his eyes, he felt peace.

“Thank you,” whispered Cas.

“Cas…” said Dean again. “I love you.”

*

Cas brought only one box. He didn't have many things because he almost didn't need anything. He was wearing the same clothes all the time, and he didn’t need to shower or something.

Dean watched how Cas was unpacking himself. First, he took some illustrated book for kids about the bees. Dean didn't know when Cas bought it. Second, three ties in different colors, but he was wearing the blue one usually. Third, angel blade and a few knives. And the last… a mixtape. This mixtape. The one which Dean gave to him three years ago.

Cas lived on Earth for twelve years, but he still didn’t understand lots of references. The mixtape was one of them. Dean did it for him with a thought of giving him part of himself. He wanted to share his favorite music because he remembered that his parents fell in love with each other for this reason.

Once, Cas wanted to return this and even Dean was mad at him at this time, he said:

_It’s a gift. You keep those._

Cas was surprised because he has never got a present. And this was some personal.

Dean was happy seeing that Cas still has a mixtape.

*

Eileen came to the bunker on the next day. And then everything started to fall into place. Sam was happy, and it made that Dean felt better either. Cas was smiling often, and Dean noticed that he really liked Eileen. Once even they went together on the grocery (it was Cas idea!), and they left Sam and Dean at the bunker.

“Dean, I know you don't like this, but I need to ask. Are you okay?” said Sam in concern while they were drinking beers.

“Yeah, why do you think I'm not?” asked Dean and frowned his eyebrows. He tried to behave like usually.

“I don’t know. I’m only checking on you.” Sam shrugged his arms, but he was still looking at the older brother.

“Don’t be worry, Sammy. Everything will be fine. We’re together and now, I think better days come,” said Dean and smiled insincerely.

Sam believed in this too, but he wasn’t sure if his brother is talking the truth. He looked tired and upset. Something was wrong, but Sam couldn’t figure it out. He talked with Eileen about that, and she said Dean needed to space… Sam thought it wasn’t everything. He should ask Cas probably.

*

“Cas, I need to ask you something,” said Sam when he caught the angel in the kitchen. They were alone because Dean was taking a shower. Cas was making him coffee like every day.

“Yes?”

“Is everything okay with Dean?”

Cas gasped and stopped working for a while. He didn’t speak at once, he felt like a traitor right now.

“I think… He’s not, Sam, but he will be,” answered him.

“What does it mean? Does he need a help?” Sam frowned his eyebrows. He hoped everything will be okay after Chuck was gone. If Dean got into trouble again…

“No… Yes, but you can’t help him. It’s up to me,” said Cas slowly, playing with a cup to keep hands busy.

“So… what’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you.” Cas looked at Sam with a sadness.

“And you… Everything is okay between you?” asked Sam.

Cas hesitated, but then nodded a head: “Sorry, Sam, but I need to make him a coffee.”

A conversation was over, but Sam didn’t feel satisfied. He still didn’t knew anything.

*

Dean was lying on the couch and looking in some case on his phone. He found an article which could speak about werewolves.

“Make me some place,” said Cas, standing over him. He appeared here undetected.

“Oh, easy tiger. I'm working,” chuckled Dean and smiled to him. Cas ignored his words, and he was still staring at him with his blue eyes.

“I'm not going to interrupt you… Make me some place,” he repeated request.

Dean rolled his eyeballs, but he moved a little. Cas lay down at him, put his head on his chest and right leg on Dean's legs. He hugged him around a waist, and closes eyes.

Dean felt the warmth of Cas' body. The angel was really enjoying hugging, and he needed to admit that he liked it too.

“What's going on, _honey bee_?” asked Dean.

“ _Honey bee?_ You've never called me that before,” noticed Cas.

“You don't like it?”

“No. It's really accurate. I like it, Dean.”

“So, what's going on?” asked again and then added with whisper: “Honey bee.”

Cas smiled a little with close eyes. He liked every time when Dean talked to him. Only to him. It could be an even shorter version of his name. 'Cas' was so Dean's.

“Nothing. And I think that's beautiful… I like to be near to you, Dean. It's always so nice.”

“You're going to be soft,” chuckled Dean and kissed Cas' head.

“I don't see anything bad at this.”

“Yeah, me too… But I'm afraid we need to cancel that. I found a case. We have to go.”

“You mean, now?!”

“Yep,” said Dean and then gasped because he saw sad puppy eyes, staring at him. “Okay, five minutes isn't gonna make a big difference.”

He said Cas was going to be soft, but the truth was that he was soft already. His angel had a big effect on him.

“So, what if we spent here fifteen minutes instead five, and you tell me everything about a case?” asked Cas. He felt too lazy for getting up right now.

“You know I can tell this to you in the car?” noticed Dean, teasing with him.

“Yes, but here is nicer.”

“You can be an adorable bastard if you want,” gasped Dean.

“So?”

“Okay, but only a half an hour and nothing more!”

*

They went two hours later. A case was easy, one lonely werewolf who couldn't cover his own tracks.

They stopped at the motel. Dean booked one room with a double bed, and he was surprised he didn't feel awkward about that, even when the receptionist saw that he came here with the other man. He was proud that Cas was his boyfriend.

Dean was tired, so after the shower he went to bed immediately. Cas was waiting for him there, he put some Dean's sweatpants.

They were lying together, Dean laid his head on Cas' chest. The angel was stroking his hair, it always helped him to fall asleep. He felt comfy, but also a little selfish because Dean Winchester was a giver. For the most time. On the first place he cared about co-partner. So, he didn't know why it was so different with Cas. So hard. Maybe even impossible. He didn't understand anything of this. He didn't until he remembered. And when he did, it hit him. The truth hit him in the head like a hammer.

“Cas, I need to tell you something,” he whispered suddenly, but Cas as a celestial being heard him perfectly clear.

“I'm listening,” said the angel, still stroking Dean's hair.

“I don't know where I should to start.”

“From the beginning, I think.”

“Umm, okay. It was a long time ago and I… I'm not sure if I remember everything well, but it was in Missouri when I was seventeen,” he said. “I was on the hunting trip with my dad. He needed my help, but I didn't know why, for the start. He didn't explain this, he just… He just said that I needed to take my bag to the trunk and that was all.”

He was silent of the moment, Cas could hear only his breath. Dean cleared his throat and continued: “We came to the bar. It was stinking with a cheap beer, sweat and cigarettes. Dad sat on the corner, and he said I should to play a billiard. It was strange, but I just shrugged my shoulders and came to the table.” He paused to collect his own thoughts. “So, there was a young man, he looked like twenty. But he was older, I think. He came to me, and we started talking about some ordinary stuff. We were joking and smiling. He flirted with me and I think, I did the same. You know, only for fun…"

Dean licked his lips and take a deep breath: “It… He was a Wraith, but he had a taste… He liked young boys' brains, and that's why dad took me there. I was living bait.” Dean started shaking a little. Every next word was harder to spell. Cas grabbed him harder.

“He wasn't mad because that guy flirted with me. It was a point. He was mad because I liked it. Because I was smiling. And it wasn't some game, it was real. I didn't know it was a monster, I thought… he was just some nice guy who was interested in me, you know… He just gave an attention to me.” Dean gulped and unknowingly dug his nails into Cas' chest. It wasn't painful for the angel, he barely noticed it because he was focused on Dean's words.

“And what happened next?” asked him slowly.

“Dad was mad. I couldn't calm him down… He was so mad…” said Dean, he saw this clearly right now, then he felt his fingernails in Cas' body. He stopped doing this immediately. “Oh, sorry, Cas, I scratched you…”

“It's okay, I'm healing fast… Just go on, Dean.”

He nodded and licked lips anxiously.

“Okay, so, he was really mad at me that time. And when we came back to the motel… he beat me… But it wasn't the worst, it wasn't first or last time. You know, he was raising us with a firm hand… with a discipline. I tried to protect Sammy and I think I did pretty well…”

“What was the worst, Dean?”

“The reason. Reason why he beat me. Because it wasn't my fault. I didn't make anything wrong… I-I didn't deserve that. It was just an innocent flirt, nothing more. And it wasn't fair, Cas, it wasn't fair…” he whispered.

“I'm so sorry, Dean” said Cas, rubbing Dean's cheek. “Your father isn't here, and he can't hurt you again. Nobody can. Even if he could, I wouldn't let him. I'll protect you, Dean.”

“I know you will. Like always.”

*

Dean asked Cas if he wanted to try something more at Saturday’s night when they finished watching a movie. It was some romantic comedy which Cas chose.

Two months passed since they reunited. They talked a lot about… about everything, actually, but Dean missed this topic when he could.

“Yes, Dean, I’m always open to new experience with you.”

“It sounds scary when you’re talking about it like that,” chuckled Dean, but then he became serious. “I’m not sure if you know how it exactly looks with… with two men.”

Dean felt how his face made red. Why was there so hot?

“I know,” said quickly Cas and looked down at his feet.

"Okay, so I think we need to talk about this first," said Dean.

And they talked. They were lying on theirs arms and talking like adults. Sometimes it was a little awkward, sometimes it was funny, and then they were laughing… And sometimes it was healing... For Dean's soul especially.

Cas learned a lot from Dean. And he talked a lot about being genderless and how he felt as an angel. They decided that at the first time Dean will be on top. What will happen later? They didn't know.

*

After sex, Dean always asked if everything was okay. With one exception, when he was a demon, and he didn't care. In the other cases, he cared. Sometimes maybe even too much because he couldn't handle a thought that he made something wrong. And now Cas was lying on his chest so calmly and quietly that he started worrying.

“Cas, are you okay?” asked Dean and kissed angel's head.

“Yes, Dean.”

“For sure? Do you wanna talk about this?”

“I'm happy, Dean,” said Cas.

And this words meant everything. The last time when Cas was happy, the Empty took him. Now, they could be together.

“Are you? For real?” asked Dean.

“Yes, Dean. I'm happy because I love you. And I'm happy because you love me back.”

“So, you're okay with that what we did?”

“Yes, I'm okay. I understand why people like this so much. I liked it too…” he said.

“You like this?”

“Dean…” Cas lifted on his elbows and turned head to Dean. “I said it was okay. I'm okay. You don't need to be worried, Dean… And you… Are you okay with that?”

Dean nodded and touched Cas' cheek and looked into his eyes. How is it possible that his angel was so beautiful?

“I'm fine, Cas. I'm fine because I'm with you.”

Dean kissed Cas. Everything was fine.

*

_Dean Winchester is bisexual._

That was a first thought which appeared in Dean's head when he woke up. He was smiling about that.

Yes, he was bisexual. And yes, it was fine. It was _good_! He was Dean _bisexual_ Winchester and he was happy. He met love of his life and he was happy. He understood he's not broken, and he was happy. He wasn't daddy's blunt instrument and he WAS happy!

“Morning sunshine!” said Dean and looked at Cas.

“Hello, Dean.”

That's it. Cas was here. They were happy. They _are_ happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Dean is one of the most important fictional character for me, and it hurts when they destroyed his 15 years of development with one episode.  
> To every queer person: You are important. You are matter! And even when the network silenced them, they will never silence us!


End file.
